


My First Kiss (Went a Little Like This)

by Dobbygrl



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-23 17:24:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dobbygrl/pseuds/Dobbygrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto and Sasuke were each other's first kiss. Neither planned on ever repeating the traumatic event, but fate and the Hokage's scheming have something different in mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My First Kiss (Went a Little Like This)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anroisin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anroisin/gifts).



**I.**

_Slurp_.

Sasuke looked up from his bowl of ramen. A thin noodle wiggled around like a fish before it was slurped into the abyss of Naruto’s mouth. Moments later the blond stuffed his mouth all over again.

Sasuke _had_ been hungry, but now he was only disgusted. His lips turned down slightly and he set his chopsticks down.

Naruto was feeling great. This was one of the best days. There was _ramen_ and any day with ramen was a good day (he stuffed another scoop of delicious ramen into his mouth. He loved ramen. It was so good.), but what made it one of the _best_ days was that he was having ramen with _Sasuke_. He didn’t take the teme’s presence for granted, especially given their past.

Ramen and friends. The only way it could be the bestest kind of day was if Sakura and Kaka-sensei were there too.

He slurped up the last of the noodles hanging limply against his chin and then shifted back, hands going behind his head. His expression was one of contentment -- he was filled with a lot of delicious ramen, after all. When he noticed Sasuke glaring at him he grinned.

All was right in the world. 

“Moron.” The insult was both appropriate and satisfying, and Sasuke went back to ignoring the blond.

He really had no idea why he was friends with the imbecile. He supposed it was mostly because getting rid of the idiot was more effort than it was worth, though if you asked the blond, it was because Sasuke apparently had no defense against Naruto’s incessant declarations of love and brotherhood, and other ridiculously sappy shit. Though... Naruto _had_ been the one to convince him to let go of his rage and hatred, and come home. There’d even been a simple, bloody, well-fought-for hug on the battlefield. He supposed that was _something_. (If his lips twitched _ever so slightly_ into what might possibly considered a smile upon reflection of this past incident, he would never admit it.) 

“Are you going to finish that?” 

Dark eyes cleared of past memories and shifted to meet a familiar (irritating, maddening) sky blue gaze. Whatever semblance of a smile disappeared and annoyance turned his lips down slightly again. 

“No.” It was the principle of the matter.

“If you’re not going to eat it though…” Naruto tried again.

“Hn.” 

“Come on, teme. I don’t want to buy another bowl when you have a perfectly good, steaming bowl right in front of you that you haven’t even touched.” There may have been a whine in his voice. No, there definitely was. Naruto was man enough to own up to degrading himself for ramen.

Sasuke was unmoved. “Starve.”

“Aw! You’re so mean to me.” He may have pouted. No, he definitely did. Petulantly. But a gleam lit his eyes only moments later and he was reaching across the counter to grab at the bowl. 

“It’s not yours, dumbass.” Sasuke gripped the bowl before it could be stolen from beneath his nose. It didn’t matter that he didn’t want it. It was _his_ , dammit. 

“It’s mine now you twat!”

Both boys paused and the broth sloshed at the sudden stillness.

“You ... just said that.” Sasuke looked both bewildered and disturbed. 

“I heard Kiba say it.” Naruto shrugged. “It was funny at the time.” 

“... idiot.”

Naruto eyed his best friend. “I still want your bowl. You’re not eating it anyways,” he wheedled as he tugged forcefully on the bowl. 

Sasuke did not (could not, would _never_ ) relinquish his hold, and pulled back. “Buy your own damn bowl, dumbass.” 

...

It was at that unfortunate moment Lee finished one hundred laps around Konoha and heard a Wonderful Display Of Youth happening at Ichiraku. With much enthusiasm and skip in his green legged step he broke through the curtain separating the restaurant from the rest of the world and struck the Nice Guy Pose with tears blazing down his cheeks. 

“That’s it! Let the Passion Of Youth Explode!” 

...

Three things happened:

(1) Sasuke, who avoided Lee AT ALL COSTS (for fear of killing him otherwise, and he’d done well at avoiding a prison cell up this point), stopped tugging on the bowl and tried flash-stepping past Naruto -- and ultimately out of Lee’s field of vision. 

(2) Naruto lost his grip on the bowl due to the lack of resistance, and it went flying straight up. He dodged.

(3) One nin went right and the other went left. Unfortunately, they were facing each other and not heading in the same direction.

...

Sasuke’s lips crashed into Naruto’s. 

Teeth grinding, scrunched faces and sticky lips. Seconds later, both were soaked in broth and noodles. 

...

Gagging and spitting they separated and looked at each other warily. (Horrified.)

“Why is it always with you.” As disturbed as he was, Naruto was also resigned. 

“Congratulations. You got my ramen.” Sasuke’s glare was ice cold. Ramen dripped from his nose. “Dick.” 

Naruto grinned and then started laughing. “I think we shared it, teme. You’re too good to me.” Sasuke’s right eye twitched and the blond only laughed harder. “Really though, if I knew you wanted me that bad all you had to do was ask.” 

Sasuke’s other eye twitched. 

“Look Deep Into My Eyes and accept my Sincere Apology!” Lee said, the sentiment a startlingly accurate echo of Konoha’s infamous Blue Beast. His sensei Always Knew Best when it came to Apologizing With Vigor. “I did not mean to cause such a Youthful Display, but I am Eternally Grateful to have witnessed it!” 

Naruto’s laughter was like nails on a chalkboard and Lee’s fits of youthful fucking passion were enough to drive any person to homicidal violence. Sasuke valued his freedom, and thus he didn’t move a muscle. Which really only served to bring attention to the one thing about him that _did_ move -- a single, slimy, nefarious noodle dripping, dropping down the side of his face. 

His eye twitched again. The noodle slurped off his face to the floor. He balled his fingers into fists and began to turn slowly. 

“Lee.” Naruto knew that look. It didn’t bode well for much of anyone. “You should think about running a couple hundred laps around Konoha right about now.” 

Lee faltered in his Nice Guy Pose as he began to recognize the danger he was truly in. He stepped back toward the curtain. “That is a Wonderful Idea, Naruto! I’m afraid I must bid you both a Sad Farewell! Do not let my absence hinder your Youthfulness!” 

In a blink he was gone. 

Dark eyes shifted to red and the dark nin’s whole being was hyper-focused on the flutter of the curtain and what the Sharingan could see through the glimpses beyond the fabric. “I hear Green Beast is in season.” 

“Hmm,” Naruto hummed, rocking back on his heels. He grinned. “Think you’re right.”

Sasuke grinned. Or what passed for a grin on the Uchiha. 

Naruto found himself momentarily disturbed. It was damn _creepy_ when Sasuke smiled. 

He didn’t let it get him down for long. Sasuke flash-stepped out of the shop and Naruto was just behind him. There was a Green Beast to hunt!

**II.**

“No.” She was implacable. Unmovable. Firm.

“Old Lady!” Naruto... was not any of those things.

Tsunade glared and her lips firmed into a thin line. Naruto thought better about saying anything else. He still had bruises from the last time he’d roused her anger.

“After what you both did to Lee...” Her eyes narrowed to thin slits. “Your punishment is damn well fair if I say it’s fair.”

Sasuke snorted.

Tsunade opened her mouth to tell the brat off, but a light knock interrupted her train of thought, and before she could say otherwise, the door swung open to admit Kakashi, followed closely by Sakura. 

Naruto sprung toward the grey-haired nin. “Sensei, tell her no! Tell her the mission is unreasonable!” 

Kakashi didn’t dignify Naruto’s whining with a response, but a single brow rose over his charcoal grey eye as he met the Hokage’s honey brown gaze. Even so, his amusement was evident in the slight crinkle of his right eye as he grinned beneath the mask moments later.

Sakura sighed. What did she do to deserve them? The lot of them! It was like herding cats. A (kind of) matched set of grumpy, hyperactive, pervy cats. 

“What did you both do this time?” Sakura cracked her knuckles. If Naruto winced, it was only a conditioned response.

Sasuke felt no need to say anything. The idiot was bound to fill the void and... be an idiot.

“Sakura-chan! I swear we didn’t almost drown Lee! It was innocent! We were all just having fu--” Naruto didn’t have a chance to finish. He was too busy trying to un-smear himself off the floor. 

Sakura adjusted her gloves and a look of satisfaction made her lips curl ever so slightly. There was something immensely satisfying about shutting up Naruto’s caterwauling with her fists. 

She wasn’t done, however. The hyperactive cat had been dealt with, but there was still the grumpy cat to tend to. She looked pointedly at Sasuke. Really, she expected more of him. Not _much_ more, but more nonetheless. All of this was imparted with glitteringly hard green eyes, a single raised brow, crossed arms and three foot taps.

Sasuke was the first to break and he shifted his glare from the pink girl to the window behind behind Lady Tsunade. (She did _not_ win. He was just tired of looking at her annoying face.)

“Sakura-chan...” Naruto was endearingly pouty as he came up to them again, rubbing the back of his sore head gingerly. 

Green eyes softened minutely and she reached out, fingers brushing through blond hair as she released precise chakra toward where the bump was developing. 

“Thanks.” Naruto grinned at her. 

Sakura pulled her hand back and otherwise ignored her teammate. On principle. She and Kakashi both looked to Lady Tsunade for further explanation. 

“I have a new mission for your team. C rank.” Tsunade flicked the file for the mission across her desk and Kakashi stepped forward. “We’ve been hired to assemble a team of experienced ninja to infiltrate and retrieve an extremely important item that was stolen.” 

“What is it?” Sakura asked as she stepped forward next to their team leader. Team 7 wasn’t often selected for anything less than B rank missions... though the kunoichi’s quick mind ticked back to Naruto’s whining when they first arrived, something about being punished, and she internally cringed. Whatever her mentor was going to say, it didn’t bode well for _any_ of them.

She internally scowled. Dumbasses. 

“The man who commissioned the village has requested to remain anonymous,” the blonde Hokage began. “A few months ago he had a messy break-up with his boyfriend.” Naruto’s eyes widened and Sasuke’s slightly startled gaze snapped from the window to the woman speaking. Tsunade smirked. “The two lived together and when our client’s boyfriend left for good, he took something of great value -- his mother’s diamond ring.” 

Kakashi nodded his head for Tsunade to continue. 

“Your job is to infiltrate and retrieve the ring from Shinobu Akio. He runs a bar in Rain Country that caters to homesexual men. His establishment is well known for the particularly pretty men they employ.” Tsunade smirk could only be termed evil as she watched Kakashi pick up the mission file. Naruto was fidgeting and Sasuke was now openly glaring. “You’ll find all the necessary information you need in the file.”

Sakura was doing her best not to cackle. She was torn between being pissed at her teammates for landing them such a simple mission so far beneath their skill level (she had bills to pay!) and a certain kind of gleeful excitement that she was not only going to see most, if not all, of her teammates dressed up as women -- or particularly effeminate men, at the very least -- sometime during this particular mission, but she would get the pleasure of helping them get prettied up. 

“No.” Only one nin in the room could say so much with so few words. 

Tsunade completely ignored the Uchiha, as did everyone else. 

“Kakashi, I expect you’ll make all the necessary preparations. I don’t want this mission taking more then one night. We’re not getting paid enough for it to last any longer.” She fixed the copy nin with a hard look. She derived a certain amount of sadistic joy from pawning the mission off on this particular team, it was true, but she ran the village as a fiscally tight ship. (Now if only she could apply the same discipline to her own financials...) 

“Old Lady!” Naruto had to make his case. Words were powerful, after all. Believe it! “This isn’t fair! I don’t want to be a girl! I mean, Sasuke will be great at it, but I’m much too manly for this sort of mission.” Naruto smirked at his raven haired teammate. “He looks like a girl already, anyway. Just send him.” 

Sasuke glare shifted toward the blond, menace radiating off the lean young man. Before he could even take a step though, Sakura swatted Naruto upside the back of the head and then grabbed him by the collar to drag him out the door. 

“But Sakura-chan!!” 

The killing intent dissipated just as quickly as it had come. “ _Moron_ ,” was grumbled under his breath as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and followed behind the two, grudgingly resigned to his miserable fate. 

Kakashi turned to follow his team out the door. 

A chair scraped against the wood floor and a throat was cleared. “Hatake, I trust you’re not unaware of what happened earlier?” 

Kakashi took that as a sign he wasn’t going to be able to read his book just yet. He pulled his hand out of his pocket, a little woeful he had to leave the orange tome where it lay for a few minutes more. He turned around to face his Hokage who was now standing, and found himself wary when he met her gaze. There was an indefinable look in her eye. 

“I’ve never been unaware of my team. Unfortunately.” It was safe. Neutral. True, actually. And would lead her into saying what she was about.

“I’d like to make a wager.” 

Kakashi tilted his head. He found himself intrigued. 

“At the end of the mission, Sasuke and Naruto are going to realize their feelings for each other. I’ll put my money on it.” 

Now he was mostly just gleeful. “How much?” 

“Two mission salaries.” 

“Three.” He wouldn’t settle for any less. Especially since he would be winning.

“Two and a half.” Tsunade glared.

A honey brown gaze met a steely charcoal one. Neither backed down.

“Three.” 

Her eyes narrowed. She was certain there was more between the boys than animosity. Love and hate were two sides of the same coin, after all. Certain, dammit! “Fine. Three mission salaries.” 

Kakashi smiled, single eye crinkling, and lifted his hand in a two finger saluting wave. “See you on the other side.” In a flash the copy nin disappeared. 

Tsunade sank back into her chair. She was sure she was going to win this bet. Absolutely sure. _Positive._

And if those boys screwed her over she would make their lives a living hell. 

_Screw._ She smirked. 

With that thought in mind, the fifth decided she’d done enough paperwork for the day. It was time for a little saké.

**III.**

The hotel room was too small, smelled a bit mouldy from the damp, and was probably infected with god knows what given it’s proximity to Rain Country’s red-light district. Not that this much mattered to Team 7. They’d been in smaller rooms and fouler places. Really, the room had beds and a shower, and was dry. It could be worse.

The pipes groaned when Sasuke turned the shower on, but Sakura ignored it. She was too busy studying Naruto as he recovered his towel and wrapped it more firmly around his waist after being (very rudely, it was true) shoved out of the bathroom. 

“Kakashi,” the pink-haired nin mused aloud as she tipped her head, green eyes intently studying her blank canvas from her perch at the very end of one of the two beds. “I think there’s a lot of potential there.” 

Naruto frowned at his pink-haired friend. He looked a bit like a drowned rat with his hair plastered flat to his head. Sakura’s lips twitched.

Kakashi looked up from his book, glanced at Naruto, and then went back to reading again. “I don’t see anything special.” 

Naruto’s jaw dropped. “What do you mean you don’t see anything special?!” Naruto shook his head and his hair went into its natural messy spikes. He sniffed, indignant. “I’m going to be a seriously hot drag queen.” 

“I’m sure you will.” Kakashi didn’t bother looking up from his book again. The tone of his voice was almost like a verbal pat on the head. “Sakura is a miracle worker, after all.”

Naruto scowled.

Sakura’s tiny grin bloomed into a full smile, and when he glared at her she started laughing. She was enjoying this mission entirely too much in Naruto’s opinion.

The pipes stopped groaning when the water was shut off and moments later Sasuke walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. 

Sakura stopped laughing. Instead she stared unapologetically. Naruto was attractive -- she wasn’t _blind_ \-- but he was ... _Naruto_. Sasuke, though... Sakura knew the man was emotionally constipated, but that didn’t negate the fact that he was probably the most physically attractive man she’d ever met. If he was going to prance about half naked, then she was going to appreciate the view, dammit. Especially since there was water. Dripping. Down his neck to his chest, over his abdomen, down, down, down ... to be absorbed into his towel slung low on his hips. 

_Hot damn._ It should be illegal to look that good.

Naruto peered speculatively at Sasuke. “Dude, you need to put some clothes on.”

Sasuke smirked. “Moron.” 

As usual, the one comment by the Uchiha was enough to trigger the kyuubi vessel. 

“This is SO not fair!” Naruto may have flailed a bit in the Uchiha’s face. “I totally had Sakura captivated by my good looks and then you had to come out here like that and...” Naruto pounded a fist into the air, expending the last bit of energy from his outburst. 

He glared at the raven haired nin sullenly. “You just cock-blocked me, man.” 

Sakura snorted. As if.

“What was it that Sai called you?” Kakashi asked. The grey-haired man didn’t look up from his novel. “Dickless, wasn’t it?” 

Naruto’s cheeks burned red and Sakura slapped a hand over her mouth before her giggle could completely escape, though green eyes were bright with her mirth. Sasuke just watched Naruto’s reaction and continued to smirk. 

Composing herself moments later, Sakura stood up and motioned for both boys to sit on the edge of the bed. After procuring the necessary supplies for this particular mission from her backpack, she got on her knees in front of Sasuke first. 

He looked at her dubiously. Sakura narrowed her eyes in a glare, one that promised pain. When he didn’t relent and relax his posture so she could get closer, the dainty pink-haired kunoichi cracked her knuckles. 

Sasuke relaxed and let her shift slightly closer. She smiled prettily at him. Naruto mimicked gagging himself. 

Sakura applied dark eyeliner and mascara. She skipped the face toner (he had perfect skin, the _bastard_ ), but did apply the lightest dusting of bronzer to further define his to-die-for cheekbones, and then proceeded to do the same with Naruto. 

When she was done with the two of them, she stood and took a step back to take stock of what she’d accomplished. The pink-haired kunoichi gave herself a pleased little nod. “You both might be the prettiest men I’ve ever seen.”

Kakashi smirked at her comment, but didn’t lift his eyes from his book.

Naruto scrunched his face, hands going up, then down as he battled for the control to rub at his face. He wanted to wipe the stupid girly makeup off so bad! He itched everywhere. This was so not fair. 

“Naruto, if you touch your face after I went through all that work, I swear to god I’ll hit you so hard you’ll be dizzy for a week.” She batted his hands down, not for the first time that evening.

“Children, settle down.” Kakashi finally lifted his gaze and got a proper look at them. The two men in front of him did look good. He was pleasantly surprised and crinkled his eye. “If I wasn’t straight I would definitely be interested.” 

The copy nin ruffled Sakura’s hair. “Good job.”

She preened at the attention and Sasuke, predictably, scowled.

Standing up, the dark-haired nin stalked to the bathroom to see the damage that had been done, Naruto right on his heels. The latter’s eyes widened when he met his friend’s eyes in the mirror. “Oh my god, Sasuke. You really do look like a girl.” 

“At least I don’t act like one,” he replied, a smirk taking up residence on his face. 

Naruto frowned, but only moments later a huge grin lit his features. “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.” 

Much to the blond’s displeasure, Sasuke didn’t immediately react. Instead, the other man’s smirk only seemed to get more evil as he shifted his weight to lean against the counter. A single brow rose. “Did you learn that one from Kiba too?” 

“Why you...” His arm was reared back, fist tight, ready for a date with Sasuke’s face, when Sakura chose that moment to walk in. She caught his hand and tugged enough to throw the blond off balance without missing a beat. 

“Alright you two. I found what I was looking for.” She clothes at each man. “Lady Tsunade let Shizune and I pick out what you’ll both be wearing tonight.” She smiled, and it wasn’t the sweet, innocent one the men of Team 7 always hoped to see. “So you’re going to look great!” 

“If by great, you mean gay,” Kakashi said helpfully from the main room.

“Yup!” Sakura finally gave them that sweet (deadly, lethal) smile.

“My life is ruined,” Naruto groaned. For once, Sasuke agreed with the idiot.

**IV.**

Sasuke was disturbed. Dismayed. Highly agitated.

This was not helped at all by the fact that he was currently standing under the glow of the red street lamps on the cobblestone walkway for reasons he did not want to contemplate. 

After Sakura had finished prepping them every which way, they had gone over their plans again, re-discussing how the night was to go. Sasuke was not enthused. Even more annoying was that Naruto had bounced back from his trauma in no time and was now irritatingly enthusiastic about what they were going to be doing. Sasuke was sure that his life, though already fucked, was just going to be that much more cocked up by the time this was over. 

Naruto stepped next to Sasuke. “I think this is it.” 

“Hn.”

“Kakashi and Sakura have our backs. We’ll be fine.” Naruto was a grown man, a formidable ninja. He was also trussed up like a tavern wench, however, and he took comfort in the fact that his team had his back. 

The blond was about to move forward when Sasuke grabbed his arm, holding him back. “No one will ever hear of this mission, dobe.” 

Sasuke glared, the look more piercing than normal. He was attempting to burn his words into Naruto’s small brain. He was also very certain Naruto’s small brain wouldn’t get it, but he thought he’d at least try in the vain hope Naruto wasn’t completely useless. 

Sasuke’s glares rolled off the blond ninja like water, and instead of responding to the inherent threat, Naruto looked Sasuke up and down. “Mission?” Naruto waggled his brows. “The only mission I have tonight is to get into your pants, teme.” 

Sasuke was unfazed. Naruto was obviously already in idiot mode. The dark-haired nin sighed internally. That was the only mode Naruto operated in anyway. 

“Come on.” He wouldn’t dignify Naruto’s inanities with further comment. He stalked pas Naruto into the _Manhole_. 

Naruto, for his part, winked at the bouncer as they strode by. Apparently they were pretty enough to completely bypass the line. Score!

As Naruto entered the club his senses were immediately inundated. The music was loud and he could feel it pulsing against his skin, and a glance around the large complex proved there were men everywhere. He was doing his best to be as comfortable with this mission as he could be, but for as much as his acting was suggesting otherwise, this was by far the most uncomfortable he’d ever been. 

Well, other than the one time that Sai put his arm around him in the dark and looked deep into his eyes. That had been fucking creepy and Naruto shivered a little in horrified revulsion at the memory. 

Sasuke knew he was ‘emotionally constipated’, as Sakura so aptly put it, but he was observant enough to know how to act the part when called upon. He was still pissed at the Hokage though. Bitch. 

The Uchiha stepped into the building after Naruto and placed his hand at the base of Naruto’s spine; it was something he observed Naruto doing to Sakura when they all hung out together outside of practice and missions. Touching the dobe the same way was mildly nauseating, but he would do whatever it took to successfully accomplish their mission, and he certainly wasn’t going to lose to the idiot blond. 

His face was expressionless as he looked around. His lips turned down slightly when he caught two men making out in the far corner. 

“To the bar,” Naruto yelled over the music. 

Sasuke nodded his head and followed Naruto. He was generally against any impairing drugs while on a mission, though this particular one might qualify as the exception to the rule. 

At the bar they were greeted by, in Sasuke’s opinion, a very ugly man. Woman. Man-woman? 

“How can I be of service to you pretty boys.” The bartender winked at them. Sasuke resisted the urge to gouge his (hers?) eyes out.

“I’ll take whatever your favorite is!” Naruto grinned prettily, or at least he hoped it was pretty. He was trying for the smile Sakura used to get Team 7 do whatever she wanted them to do. 

“And for you?” The bartender flashed a grin at Sasuke. 

“Hn.”

“He’ll have the same!” Naruto interjected before Sasuke got them kicked out for being a grumpy little bitch. 

The bartender left to make their drinks and Sasuke leaned forward against Naruto’s back. He was being pushed from behind and he’d have to get close to be heard over the din anyway. “Have you seen him yet?” 

Naruto shook his head. Sharp blue eyes ticked over faces across the floor before ticking up toward the upper level. 

If he didn’t think about where they were, what might be expected of them, that they had been ogled several times by a plethora of men since walking in, or that they were supposed to be acting like they wanted to jump each other’s bones, then Naruto could pretend this was like any other mission. He’d been holed up in tight quarters with Sasuke before, after all. 

“I think the VIP room is up on that balcony.” Naruto nodded discreetly toward the upper level before grinning at the approaching bartender. 

Sasuke glanced up toward the balcony and his eyes locked with a man in a suit who looked to be in his thirties. He recognized him to be their target. 

The dark-haired nin knew part of his and Naruto’s part of this mission was to get their target’s attention, get the man to come to them. Do whatever it took trussed up as ‘pretty boys’. He didn’t like it, but Sasuke would _not_ be the reason they failed a mission.

Sasuke held the man’s gaze a tic longer and then broke eye contact to lean into Naruto’s back again. “We’re being watched.” He deliberately let his lips brush against the dobe’s ear. He’d observed it as something the idiot did with Sakura as often as he could (the results varied; sometimes their pink-haired teammate would turn pink to match her hair. Other times she punched the dobe.). Naruto stiffened at the contact. Probably in revulsion. Sasuke’s stomach had turned too. 

The bartender put their drinks in front of them. “You two are really the yummiest things I’ve seen in a long while.” He (she?) smiled sassily at them and slid a napkin over with a number scrawled on it. “It’s on me, honies.” 

Sasuke raised a brow, irritated, but Naruto smiled brightly before the bartender moved on to help other customers. 

“Cheers, teme!” Naruto said when he turned to face his teammate. They weren’t _supposed_ to drink, but if the last two minutes were any indication of how the rest of the night was going to go, he needed liquid fortitude. 

“Hn.” 

They both downed their cocktails in one gulp, set the glasses back on the bar, and then turned their attention back to their surroundings. 

Naruto felt strange. Having Sasuke all up in his business and stealing liberties like he tried to with Sakura-chan was disturbing. _Really_ disturbing. More unsettling was the fact that Naruto hadn’t ever seen his friend be that way with a girl. ... It occurred to the blond that he had probably felt Sasuke’s lips on his person more than any other person alive.

He resisted the urge to visibly shudder.

The kyuubi vessel forced his thoughts back to the mission at hand, the reason _why_ he was in this disturbing position in the first place. They needed to be gay together. Scandalously so to get their target’s full attention. Sasuke had, surprisingly, baited Shinobu. The dark-haired nin was good at everything, it was true, but that didn’t mean he was better than Naruto. 

Naruto didn’t lose. Period. Time to up the ante. Believe it! 

Naruto wrapped his hand around Sasuke’s wrist and pulled him toward the dance floor. 

“Idiot. What are you doing?” Sasuke hissed at his teammate. “We have a mission to complete.” 

“Exactly,” Naruto said, a smirk curling his lips. “I’m completing the mission. I’m going to make Mr. Perverted Dick Muncher come to us.” 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, but after a moment’s thought gauged this to be acceptable. Shinobu was still watching, after all, and they _had_ been approached several times already (though none had made it closer than the bartender. His glares were very effective in keeping undesirables away. Except for Naruto, unfortunately.) 

When they reached the dance floor Naruto’s fingers slipped into the front pockets of Sasuke’s denims and he tugged him closer. When Naruto decided to do something, he did it all the way. Go big, or go home! The grin he gave Sasuke was more a flashing of teeth, a challenge, than anything. 

A muscle in Sasuke’s jaw twitched. “You’re never allowed to drink again.” 

A challenge was a challenge though, and Sasuke would be damned if he was the first one to chicken out. Against all his instincts, he hooked his fingers into the fabric of Naruto’s tank and tugged him closer. _I hate my life._

...

Sakura and Kakashi walked into the red-light establishment with only slight reservations. 

Their goal was to not stand out too much. Sakura had bound her chest and switched out her normal clothes for a simple black v-neck tee she’d stolen from Sasuke and a pair of black jonin pants. The loose fit and unrelenting color served the dual purpose of hiding the few curves she had and projected as very male. A billed cap set slightly askew made her hair look unkempt instead of girly. She’d only had Kakashi take off his vest and bandages. Both had gotten a dab of smudged eyeliner. They didn’t look anything like Naruto or Sasuke, but that was good -- the main goal was for them to _blend in_.

She and Kakashi were not the boy candy, after all. 

The four of them had discussed earlier that she and Kakashi would enter the club after Naruto and Sasuke for tactical assistance and support. If anything were to go wrong it would be her and Kakashi’s job to clean up the mess. And god only knew what her two boys would get up to. They were assigned this silly C rank mission at all because of what they’d gotten up to. 

Green eyes darted around, never resting anywhere for long as she searched for her boys. She was distracted from her task, however, when Kakashi tapped her shoulder and pointed toward the dance floor. 

What Sakura saw almost gave her a nose bleed. 

It was a close call, to be quite honest, and that was saying something considering the show she’d had in the hotel room earlier that evening. Two very fit, wet, half naked nin were worth a look, or five.

However, two very fit nin whom she had seen naked before (shh!) writhing on one another? She couldn’t be blamed for the gutter quality of her thoughts.

There, in the center of the dance floor were Naruto and Sasuke writhing all over each other, hips grinding to the pulsing beat. She’d dressed them herself in matching dark jeans and fitted black tanks. They looked good each to their own, but they looked _really_ good bleeding one into the other, contrasting dark and light. She could personally attest that Naruto was a damn fine dancer, but as far as she knew Sasuke didn’t dance. You’d never know by watching him, however. They were ninja. Both had an innate sense of the bodies around them, and even more so, each other’s bodies. The awareness of one another she usually only saw in their fights was here now -- aggressive, in your face, _sexy_. 

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from tan skin meeting pale white, black meeting blond. She couldn’t see their faces, but honestly, she wasn’t looking for their faces. She was a little too preoccupied how their hips moved to the rough beat of the resounding music. 

She felt a little warm, to be honest.

Kakashi caught her wrist and dragged her toward the wall where he figured they could stand unnoticed and watch everything unfold. The copy nin had already spotted their target and he also noticed Shinobu was quite aware of Naruto and Sasuke. The man was walking down the steps from the top floor, eyes glued to the two young men on the dance floor. 

Kakashi glanced at Sakura again and smirked under his mask. She still hadn’t looked away from their teammates and he liked to think he could accurately guess what was going through her mind. And the pinkette liked to call _him_ perverted. 

He was thoroughly enjoying this mission. And he decided he liked the lascivious gleam in Sakura’s eyes. It suited her. 

If only she knew the depths of Kakashi’s depraved mind, she really _would_ pound him into next year.

...

Naruto was trying really hard to focus. This whole not-going-to-back-down-first thing had taken a turn he didn’t think he could ever really prepare for given he liked girls and their softness and their girl parts. The blond understood battles. Fighting. Dominance. Both their desires to be better than the other at _everything_. But it kind of threw him off that their dicks were, like, so close and shit. 

But Shinobu was heading their way and he’d be damned if he backed out now. Naruto leaned forward and rubbed the side of his face with Sasuke’s. 

Sasuke did _not_ like being touched by humans, but having Naruto all over him was an exercise in self-control. It was also an exercise in resolve to _not lose_. Instead of chidori’ing his ass, the Uchiha turned his head slightly to speak against his ear again. “He’s coming.” 

Naruto’s eyes glazed slightly at the puff of warm breath against his skin. Weird, weird, weird! No. No, he could handle this. His resolve strengthened. Naruto didn’t lose. If that’s how the teme wanted to play it...

Naruto grabbed Sasuke’s ass and pulled their hips flush together. 

Sasuke’s nerves jangled at the touch, but he was able to control his outward reaction -- which happened to be the desire to _break the dobe’s hand._ Which was good, because maiming his teammate would blow their cover. 

The dark haired nin growled as he tangled his fingers in Naruto’s hair -- pulled hard enough that it would be painful -- and ground his hips against the other man. 

This was a challenge and it wasn’t in the makeup of either man to back down.

The battle was interrupted though when the overwhelming sense of being watched had his spidey senses tingling. A tiny shake of Sasuke’s head confirmed that he’d lost sight of the target, but when blue eyes flicked over his friend’s shoulder, they met a dark brown gaze several paces behind Sasuke. 

Naruto stopped moving and Sasuke picked up on the change of strategy quickly. He turned and the blond rested his chin on Sasuke’s shoulder, a smirky, though openly friendly smile playing at his lips as he met Shinobu’s eyes again. 

“Evening,” the man said as he came up to them on the dance floor. “I’m Shinobu Akio.” He was dressed in a black suit and leaning in much too close. 

Sasuke stared blankly at the man. “We’re busy.” 

“I noticed,” Shinobu said, brown eyes flicking appreciatively over the two nin. “I wanted to invite you both up to the VIP room. The view is much better from the second floor.” 

“Hn.” Sasuke turned his head slightly toward Naruto. 

The blond nudged Sasuke’s cheek with his nose before stepping around the Uchiha. “That sounds fun! I’m Naruto and this is Sasuke!” He grabbed the Uchiha’s hand and gave him a smile that _dared_ him to pull away. When the dark-haired man did nothing but look at him like the idiot he was, Naruto’s grin turned cheerful and he turned to follow Shinobu Akio, pulling his friend behind him. 

As they walked up the stairs Sasuke located six shinobi guarding the VIP room. He wondered if he had missed more in the lower floor, but quickly dismissed the thought. He may have had a drink, but it wasn’t enough to make him blind to these ill-trained rogue ninja. Sasuke squeezed Naruto’s hand six times and Naruto nodded slightly in acknowledgment. 

When they reached the second floor Shinobu nodded to the first guard and the three of them were waved in. Shinobu sat down in a red cushioned arm chair that overlooked the first floor and motioned for the two young men to sit. 

Naruto noted they weren’t the only people in the VIP room. There were several other men and even a few women, albeit dressed as men. Naruto turned his attention to the man across from him as he sat on the red cushioned love chair. Sasuke slid in next to him, arm going around his friend’s shoulders. They both kept a hand free to retrieve hidden kunai or shuriken if necessary.

Shinobu looked to a server and ordered them all drinks, finally settling his greedy eyes once again on the two young men in front of him. “Have either of you ever considered a career in entertainment?” 

Sasuke raised a single brow. 

Shinobu laughed lightly and directed his gaze toward Naruto, though whatever he was about to say was interrupted when the server came back with their drinks. Shinobu took a sip of his and it was then Naruto and Sasuke simultaneously noticed the large diamond ring on his middle finger. 

“That’s a nice ring.” Naruto grinned and nodded toward his hand. Sasuke could be a taciturn grumpy ass. Naruto got more with honey. 

Shinobu glanced down at the antique and smiled fondly. 

Sasuke internally groaned at Naruto’s idiocy. How the dobe became anything approximating the decent ninja he actually was being that fucking blunt never ceased to amaze him. 

“Yes, it was a gift.” Shinobu looked up into Naruto’s eyes and smoothly shifted back to his original topic of conversation. “I could introduce you to a life that would fulfill all your wildest dreams. Diamond rings would only be the beginning of your riches.” 

Naruto’s brow furrowed in honest confusion. “How’s that?” 

Shinobu smiled. They’d taken the bait. These two were the most handsome men he’d seen in a long while and they were caught in his snare. Two men this beautiful would make him richer than he’d ever been. The pair wouldn’t be too painful on the eyes outside of work, either. 

Now to convince them: hook, line and sinker. 

“I’m in the business of collecting pretty boys for my establishment.” Shinobu smiled at them enigmatically. “However, I look at you both and I don’t just see two handsome faces...” 

Sasuke glared.

“Before me sit two gorgeous men.” Naruto had to stop himself from laughing and turned the hysterical laughter wanting out into a dazzling grin. 

“What is it you want, exactly?” Sasuke asked, quite done playing the man’s games. They needed to get the ring, and get out.

“It’s simple, really. We have a show here every Friday and Saturday night. I want you both to be my stars.” He looked significantly past them, and it was at that moment the music changed.

Sasuke and Naruto looked down to a stage that was suddenly lit up on the ground level. A different kind of tune filled the club, a burlesque tune, and the crowded club screamed as one drag queen after the next pranced onto the stage and proceeded begin the tease of a well orchestrated strip show. 

When the show was over and several more drinks (who was counting?) had been consumed, Sasuke looked back to Shinobu. “I’m interested.” 

Naruto turned towards Sasuke, eyes widening ever so slightly. Maybe Sasuke wasn’t done playing games, after all. Maybe he’d play a new game for every drink he’d consumed during the peep show? The blond giggled. And then snickered even more at the girly sound he’d actually let escape.

“I figured you would be.” Shinobu grinned at the dark-haired man. “You have an air about you. It’s very... telling.” 

Naruto stopped snickering and was now looking at _Shinobu_ with wide eyes. He felt like he was missing something. 

The blond glanced at Sasuke and saw that the nin’s eyes were half lidded and his lips were a thin line. Sasuke did not like being told he was easy to read. As much as Naruto joked otherwise, the truth was that Sasuke had a short temper and was _extremely_ violent. He should know; he’d been on the receiving end almost his whole life.

Remembering to play his part as a placating boyfriend, Naruto set a hand on Sasuke’s leg and squeezed. _Don’t fuck up, teme._

Sasuke resisted the urge to glare at the idiot at his side and held the brown gaze caught with his own. “How so?” 

“Sasuke, you’re name is Sasuke right.” Shinobu did not wait for a response. “You have to be, by far, the sexiest man I have ever seen. It’s not common for such a handsome man to happen by my establishment. Your friend here is very lucky indeed.” 

Naruto noticed that he said friend and wasn’t sure if he should be alarmed. He’d definitely done a lot more than a friend would do with Sasuke. Hell. They _were_ friends and Naruto had never touched the Uchiha so much in his life before tonight. Were they found out? Was it that obvious they weren’t together _together_? 

The wording didn’t go unnoticed by Sasuke either. 

“I’m not quite sure you’re as observant as you think you are. I came here with Naruto.” Sasuke was annoyed and the alcohol he’d had wasn’t really helping his temper. 

“Hmm,” the older man hummed while eyeing them both speculatively. “So you did.” 

Shinobu got up then and walked toward the guard at the doorway. They exchanged words and a few moments later the room began clearing of everyone except for the rogue ninja, Naruto, Sasuke, and Shinobu. Red curtains went down, blocking the view of the rest of the club, and the music continued its dull pulse. 

Naruto had a feeling the ante was about to be upped in a direction that he was not really prepared for. Why was it _always_ with Sasuke these things happened?

**V.**

Sakura was getting really bored. The strip show had been interesting enough she supposed, but it really wasn’t much to her tastes. Naruto and Sasuke? Always to her tastes. Everyone else grinding their dicks together in this place? Not so much. As she gazed around the club again, the pink-haired kunoichi realized that if she never stepped foot in another gay bar she’d be ok with that.

She glanced at Kakashi and noticed he wasn’t faring much better if his bored expression was anything to go by.

With a long suffering sigh she looked up toward the VIP balcony again. It didn’t look as crowded as it had been all night. A quick glance toward the stairs proved this to be quite true as she watched people chatting and flirting as they made their way toward the main floor. Green eyes flicked back up to the deck in time to see red curtains swish into place, effectively blocking the upper tier from prying eyes. Alarm prickled up her spine and Sakura fell in behind Kakashi who was already moving. 

She glanced back up towards the deck once more and promised pain to anyone who messed with _her_ boys.

...

“As I see it, we’ve got two options,” Shinobu said after the room settled into a tense silence. 

Naruto shifted to into an easier position for attack and defense if necessary. Sasuke, on the other hand, had eased into a more relaxed pose as he sprawled back into the chair, a tumbler of whisky dangling from a loose, languid grip. He looked reposed and completely at ease, but it would be foolish to ever think the Uchiha was anything other than on gaurd and ready for anything. Fortunately, their target didn’t know this.

“Go on.” Sasuke sipped his whisky, never once taking his dark eyes off of Shinobu. 

“First, let me tell you a story.” Shinobu leaned back comfortably as well, imitating Sasuke’s comfortable demeanor. “It was some time ago that I had a boyfriend. We were dating and and extremely happy. We had a lot of sex, you see.” 

“I’m not sure where you’re going with this,” Sasuke said, a single brow rising.

“I’m getting there,” Shinobu said impatiently. “You see, we had a great relationship and this ring that you noticed earlier,” he glanced at Naruto, “it’s not the first time someone has commented on it.” 

The two young nin looked at the ring. “It’s ostentatious.” Sasuke lifted his gaze to Shinobu’s, nonplussed. “It’s a bit difficult to miss such a pointed display of wealth.”

“Yes, that’s what I originally thought as well. But then several people have attempted stealing it away from me,” Shinobu said, a wicked gleam in his eye. “It’s very important because the man I dated gave it to me and I’ve no interest in giving it back, nor having it taken back by force.”

“Are you accusing us of trying to steal your ring?” Naruto asked, a look of affront on his face. It was true they _were_ there to steal the ring, but really. Nothing they’d said or done had given away anything other than the fact that they were really, really gay for eachother.

“As I said earlier, I’m not accustomed to seeing such pretty men at my establishment, and considering the recent attempts at thievery, I’m not very trusting of outsiders. You do understand this, no?” Shinobu took another sip of his drink, his gaze only for Sasuke at this point.

“You were the one who came to us,” Sasuke reminded him pointedly. “Are you interested in us working for you, or is there something else you want? Otherwise, we’re leaving.”

This was about the time Naruto felt like banging his head against the wall. Sasuke had been doing so well, too. 

“The truth is, I would love for you to work for me.” Shinobu grinned, and it was the kind of grin that promised salaciously crude things. “I just want to be able to trust my employees. I’ve been uncertain this entire time, because to be frank, you both come across extremely straight.” 

Naruto had just taken a sip of his own whisky, but spit it out before he could choke. “Are you kidding me?!” 

Naruto had just about had it. He’d been touching and grinding and brushing up against Mr. Stick Wedged In Ass Uchiha all night and he was coming across _straight_!? Mr. Dick Muncher Shinobu must be out of his fucking mind. Did he even see what Naruto had _put himself through_ on the dance floor with I’m A Whiny Little Bitch Sasuke!? 

Sasuke smirked, the expression somewhat feral, and he set a hand on Naruto’s thigh, squeezing very hard. “Calm down, babe.” 

Naruto twitched. He _twitched_. He wasn’t sure he could handle this mission anymore. And he was also pretty certain his acting skills were now failing him.

“He’s shy.” Sasuke turned back towards Shinobu. 

“He didn’t seem so shy on the dance floor,” Shinobu pointed out. He waved a hand as if dismissing that line of conversation. “The main thing I want is some confirmation that you are who and what you say you are. I want to see proof that you’re here, together,” he said meaningfully, expression lusty, “just as was intimated at down on the dance floor.” 

“Are you sure you just don’t want to watch two ‘gorgeous men’ make out for your own personal pleasure.” Sasuke’s smirk was still in place, but his eyes were half-lidded again. 

There was that look again, the one that promised a lot of blood and violence, and Naruto did some leg squeezing of his own. Nothing good came of that look for Naruto. Or anybody at all, really. 

“I have to admit, it’s going to be easy on the eyes,” Shinobu said, “I won’t lose too much sleep over it.” His expression shifted from suspicious to openly greedy. 

Sasuke set his drink down on the small table in front of him. Naruto stilled. He wouldn’t. He _wouldn’t_. He met Sasuke’s eyes.

... He would.

Naruto wasn’t sure his brain was working anymore. He’d had too much to drink. There was something the fuck wrong with this whole situation. 

Sasuke leaned towards Naruto and looked into the blond’s frantic blue eyes. 

This was going to be their first intentional kiss. Up to this point, they’d only shared accidental kisses and then gagged after. Sasuke was sure he’d gag at some point later -- in fact, he’d probably lose what little food he’d eaten earlier that day -- but now was not the time to think about that. They had a fucking _C rank_ mission to accomplish, and dammit, they were going to finish this. 

He tried to imagine he was attracted to Naruto. Which was kind of impossible, because Naruto was a dobe. So Sasuke tried imagining he was about to kiss anyone _but_ Naruto. Hell, _Kakashi_ would do. Sakura would be better, he supposed. 

He hated his life. 

Sasuke leaned in closer and his nose brushed lightly against the blond’s, the exhalations of their breaths mixing in the scant space between them. He was a little dizzy. Too much whisky. Too much Naruto. He was going to be sick. 

Naruto took a small, fortifying breath in an attempt to Not Freak the Fuck Out. He was telling himself over and over again that he liked Sasuke and this was what he wanted, however, changing his whole frame of mind on the matter in only seconds was not as easy as it sounded. (It didn’t even sound easy. He missed Sakura-chan and her girly parts.)

Naruto’s pulse steadied as he caught Sasuke’s familiar scent. He smelled like friend, and brotherhood, and team, and home. He could do this. He knew Sasuke. They were best friends. 

Their noses brushed again as they shifted and then Naruto closed the distance between their mouths. 

Naruto was a mover, a doer. He didn’t do well waiting around for things to happen. He liked to tackle things head on. He handled this as he would everything else in his life. Full speed. 

He tangled a hand in Sasuke’s black hair. 

Sasuke growled. He would _not_ be shown up.

He grabbed the back of Naruto’s neck and tugged the blond even closer, attacked his friend’s mouth. Their lips moved together, as much an all out assault as anything else. Mouths slanting over each other, teeth nipping too hard, demanding, taking. _Fighting_. It’s what they did best, after all. 

It wasn’t really half bad when Naruto thought of it more like a competition. ...maybe he really did have a little too much to drink. This mission was so not normal. But then there were teeth on his bottom lip and it hurt so much that it was kind of good? But it kind of pissed him off too, and he growled right back and he grabbed a fistful of Sasuke’s shirt tug him off balance. Or closer. However you want to look at it. 

Sasuke, for his part, had no idea what the fuck he was doing anymore. He just knew he was going to _win._ So he pulled Naruto even closer, nearly pulling the other man into his lap. 

The door burst open then and Sakura’s small fist slammed into the first rogue ninja just inside the stoop, sending him through the wall on the opposite side of the room. 

Naruto and Sasuke broke apart immediately and looked at the door. They both looked like they’d been thoroughly kissed. Which they had. Both felt sick to their stomach’s, and the several tumbler fulls of whiskey hitting them just that moment weren’t helping. 

“Wuz Sakura-chan doin’ here?” Naruto asked his friend.

Sasuke blinked. It was a long blink. 

Shinobu was already on his feet shouting commands to his shinobi. He looked to Naruto and Sasuke who were still sitting on the couch. “I’m sorry for doubting both of you. I had to be sure. My men will handle this problem.” He glared at Kakashi and Sakura who were quickly dispatching his hired help. “Come. You now work for me.” 

Shinobu turned abruptly and walked behind the bar. He opened a hidden door in the wall and commanded, “In,” to the seemingly dazed Naruto and Sasuke. 

Naruto went first and Sasuke insisted Shinobu go before him. The dark-haired ninja closed the door behind them. Shinobu lit a small match and flicked it onto an oil soaked torch. “This way.” 

Shinobu began leading them down the hidden corridor. Sasuke’s bloodshot eyes met Naruto’s bloodshot eyes. They might be kind of drunk now, but they were elite ninja. And they had worked together most their lives. It counted for something. 

Their attack was not timed perfectly. Sasuke almost fell over and Naruto stumbled into the wall, but they were synchronised and they still compensated for one another in a pinch -- even a drunken one. 

“Whaaa--” Shinobu never finished his sentence before he was knocked out cold. 

Sasuke bent down and pulled the diamond ring from Shinobu’s middle finger. 

Mission complete. Which meant Naruto felt it was a good time to freak the fuck out now.

“Ahhh!” Naruto’s shout echoed off the walls of the dark corridor. 

“Wath up dobe?” Sasuke slurred, allowing himself to feel the full effect of the alcohol now that the mission was just about over. 

“Eh!? I just kithed you! That’s whath up, bastard!” Naruto slurred back. He wasn’t sure if he was pissed, or if he was just confused. His mind was starting to slow now that the adrenaline was leaving him and that didn’t leave Naruto with much. He accepted it for what it was. 

“Hn,” was Sasuke’s only response as he stuck his hands in his pockets. 

Sasuke turned around and Naruto followed sullenly behind him. When they reentered the VIP room Sakura was finishing off the last rogue ninja with a finger flick to the forehead. “That’s what you get for calling me _little_ ,” she hissed at the unconscious man.

She sniffed her displeasure and turned away to see about that hidden door when green eyes locked on the stumbling shinobi, and then narrowed. She stalked toward them. “You two were making out weren’t you?!” Sakura was torn between being annoyed that Naruto had probably kissed Sasuke more times than could be counted on one hand now, and being a little sad that she missed the show. 

“Eh,” Naruto rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and swayed on his feet. Sasuke didn’t respond. 

The pink-haired kunoichi caught Naruto’s breath when she leaned in and her eyes widened. “Oh, my god, Naruto. You’re drunk!” 

Kakashi walked over to the scene and sniffed. “Hmm. It seems you’re both drunk.” 

Sakura caught both their chins in an iron grip and forced them to look at her. Green eyes shifted back and forth and noted their eyes were bloodshot and watery, and their faces were pale. And now that she was definitely close enough, she could smell the alcohol very strongly on their breath. Her nose crinkled at the foul stench. 

Kakashi was almost gleeful. He’d known from the beginning the boys did not like one another the way the Hokage seemed to think (Her mind was in the gutter too! Now he knew where Sakura was getting it. He giggled internally.), but a little insurance never hurt. 

Despite his inner glee, however, the copy nin’s face was quite serious. 

“If I were to tell the Hokage of your violation of regulation you would both be benched from further missions for an indefinite period,” Kakashi drawled. He kept his exultant mirth to himself. It would be an inappropriate time to celebrate his success. 

Sakura glanced at Kakashi, worried he might actually report their teammates. Sure, they definitely deserved it for drinking on the job, but still... She didn’t want to go on missions _without_ them. They were a cohesive, unstoppable fighting unit. And this mission was a joke from the beginning! And had thoroughly sucked well before the obvious violation of policy.

She released her hold on Sasuke and Naruto and pouted at the copy nin.

“I’d be willing to leave out your obvious lack of judgement if the both of you promise me one thing.” _Three missions pay!_ He was going to get a first edition of _every_ Icha Icha book.

Naruto looked at Kakashi despairingly. Sasuke didn’t say anything. 

“Anythin’ sensei!” Naruto promised. 

“You have to promise me you’ll continue hating each other.” 

Naruto’s face screwed up in confusion. Of course he hated Sasuke. Well, not hate _hate_ , but there was definitely some sort of hate in their relationship. Naruto squinted his eyes as he attempted thinking. (Shut up. The alcohol wasn’t helping.) ... Maybe it was just a little bit of loathing? 

He shook his head slightly as if to dispel the meandering, unhelpful thoughts, and then fixed Kakashi with a dubious look. It was like he was asking for the obvious. Which, really, he supposed, was awesome for him. He wouldn’t even have to try or go out of his way to make this mess go away forever and not get in trouble!

Sasuke snorted. It would be no trouble at all to hate Naruto. It was second nature. 

“Are you serious?” Sakura looked at Kakashi as if he had grown another head. “Aren’t you the one who goes on and on and on about teamwork? _Huh?_ ” She poked him in the chest.

“I’m perfectly serious Sakura. And just because one hates another does not mean we can’t all be professional.” Kakashi crinkled his eye and patted Sakura on the head.

“If you touch me again, sensei, I will put you through the wall.” Kakashi withdrew his hand quickly and laughed awkwardly. 

Sakura was annoyed. Why did her whole team have to be a mess of grown men who were just plain stupid? Kaka-sensie made no sense. None of them made sense! And everyone got kisses from each other except for her! It wasn’t fair. And they were dumb. And she was _done_. Done with the mission, and more then done with the men in front of her. It was time to go home. She need to see rational human beings with brains, like Ino, Shizune, and even her (maybe alcoholic) Hokage. And she needed to get some kisses from _somebody_ , dammit.

Naruto laughed awkwardly, “Of course we hate each other! We wouldn’t not hate each other. Right, Sasuke? I mean, I don’t want to kiss Sasuke, that’s gross. He’s gross. I’m gonna go home and wash my mouth out. Wow, I’m glad this mission is over. Right, Sasuke?” 

Sakura’s eye twitched. A frustrated little scream was heard before she stomped away. 

Sasuke eyed Naruto dispassionately. “Idiot.”

**Back in Konoha...**

Kakashi turned in his mission report to Tsunade. He was very pleased with himself.

“I feel like you’re not telling me something, Hatake.” Tsunade eyed the copy nin.

“Mahh,” Kakashi looked up to the ceiling. “There was that one thing.” 

Tsunade’s eyes lit up hopefully. “Yes?”

“No, no. It’s not important.” Kakashi shook his head and looked back at his Hokage. 

“Tell me,” Tsunade demanded.

“Hmm.” His eye twinkled with his inner glee. “You owe me three missions pay.” 

Tsunade cursed her luck and forked over the money.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was a work in progress for about two months with a lot of editing and re-editing and re-editing through back and forth conversations with author Elle_Blessingway (Elle_blessing). It was originally written for the Neo SasuNaru 2013 Winter Exchange. Writing this was a lot of fun and I hope you were able to enjoy. Take care!


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